If you ask 100 people if they have been affected by infidelity at some point in their lives, 80% will say they have been affected. This is because infidelity not only negatively affects the partners but also the children and friends, the parents, the whole environment around the couple. We did not learn anywhere how a healthy marriage is built and what rules govern it.
At best, what we know about marriage is what we saw and experienced in our own family. And if we grew up in a healthy and balanced marriage framework for our parents, we have information and a model that would help us reproduce it in our marriage. Nevertheless, Golden Diamond Escorts agrees that more than 95% of marriages are dysfunctional for a variety of reasons.
Yesterday and today
Meanwhile, everything is changing rapidly.
- Past : Get married and swear to be with the other until death does it part.
- Today: You get married and promise to be with your partner until love dies.
- Past: Get married to have sex for the first time.
- Today: You get married to stop having sex with others.
- Past: You said I was monogamous. And you meant that you have only one partner in your life.
- Today: It’s like I’m monogamous and you mean you’re monogamous every time in your relationship, not monogamous for a lifetime.
For the record
NEOLITHIC SEASON (7000 BC) UNTIL THE BEGINNING OF THE 18TH CENTURY
Until the Neolithic Age, the man was a food collector. He ate whatever he could find on his way. But then the man became a food producer, engaged in agriculture and animal husbandry and acquired property which he then transferred to his children. This is where the first issue that leads us to the concept of women’s monogamy arises. The man had no way of knowing which children were his biological children, the DNA test had not yet been invented. It should be noted that until then, in mother societies, there was no question of control over who was having sex with whom. Freedom of speech prevailed.
So the man invented the concept of “women’s monogamy” as it was the only way to control the fact that growing children are his biological children and not to use his property by illegitimate children. The women accepted this and became supporters of monogamy as they had a significant benefit, to ensure their lifelong nutrition by the man as well as to be sure that their children would have property after the death of the father.
Historically, this is where adultery has become a sin. In essence, adultery was the sin of theft of property.
The complexity of modern relationships
So today we have great demands and expectations from our partner. We want him to be: Supporter, companion, good lover, trusted friend, communicative, to know from financial management, to be our “psychologist”, to be able to educate and know from raising children, to be our partner, to have a common vision for the future, to be tender, to do housework, to be a housewife, to cook even the basics and to change diapers, to be social, to get along well with our paternal family, to make us feel safe but it also has a sexy dark side full of mystery.
In all these demands, let’s not forget that life expectancy has only doubled in the last century. Just 100 years ago, people died at the age of 35. Today, life expectancy has reached almost 80 years. Therefore, the time we will live in a marriage has doubled. The bar between the comrades has risen very high and is full of demands and expectations.
Today, we ask a man to give us what they would want from us:
- Give me intimacy, give me a mystery
- Give me stability, give me surprise
- Give me financial comfort, but I also want you to be a key protagonist in the upbringing of our children
- Give me companionship and stay close to me as my best friend, but also give me the unexpected sex
The similar characteristics of the two partners bring intimacy and love in the relationship. But the differences are the ones that create passion.
Mystery wants distance
The other person has to be a way to want him, you can’t have him 24 hours a day and want him. Usually, people say that they feel sexual desire when they see their partner doing what he is passionate about, when he is self-sufficient, away from them, at a distance. Just as fire needs air, oxygen to ignite so does the relationship.
It is a very common phenomenon, although it is not clear what exactly is considered infidelity. Is flirting considered infidelity through messages and erotic conversations through social media? Is it infidelity to watch porn? Can you imagine someone you know or a famous movie actor? Is it infidelity to have a profile on dating apps? Can you potentially believe when you talk to your ex via Facebook?
Men differently, women differently?
Women quickly close the gap between the two sexes. Until recently, infidelity was mainly the prerogative of men, but today research shows that women are just as unfaithful. Nevertheless, a woman’s infidelity is taboo in 9 countries around the world and is a legitimate reason to be killed if you are a woman. And even if they don’t lead you to the gallows, surely a woman who believed and it became known, is harmed as a personality, like a reputation, financially and socially.
Men exaggerate their infidelity. Women hide them. Men tend to communicate infidelity more intensely, exaggerating to their friends about what is happening.
Women communicate much less with their girlfriends, often keeping it quiet about what is going on. Why; Because that’s what society expects of them. While for men we have developed all those theories that certify that they are not monogamous by nature, by their biology, etc.
We do not know what would happen if we gave women the right to believe without having the consequences they have today. What we do know is that everyone is lying about infidelity.
What causes infidelity?
Emotions of indifference, loneliness, anger, alienation, boredom, erotic frustration, are emotions that can be created in a relationship. People are “thirsty” to like, to feel accepted, to be desired, to have the attention, the admiration from their partner.
Of course, when they break up, they don’t say that because it’s not easy to describe. They usually talk about other, more practical problems they had in their marriage, such as e.g. their money, their heavy business schedule, their in-laws, etc.
And happy couples believe
The other thing we see in marriages is that even in happy marriages, people believe. It makes sense to study a marriage where one does not tolerate the other and wants to divorce. But having a couple who really love each other and still believe each other is very interesting.
What we discover is that there is a part of themselves that they find in the other relationship. It’s not that they can’t experience it in their marriage. It’s that they don’t want to do it. It is their choice. They don’t want to leave their partner, they want to leave what they did in the relationship. This “living” means that in the other relationship they no longer feel responsible for caring for and caring for the other person every day. They do not have this weight. They believe and feel that they care more about themselves, their satisfaction. They do not feel obligated to care. And it’s not just about sex. It concerns the desire to feel that someone “sees” them, they exist, they are wanted, they feel admiration.
Death and infidelity
One can easily wonder what infidelity can have to do with death. Often a human loss, but also the experience of a dramatic accident, earthquake or something similar, reminded him that “life is short and short”. This can trigger the decision of infidelity.
When the subject of death knocks on the door, people wonder, “Is that all?” Is this life? And it’s not about their partners at all. That is, the fact that your partner or partner believed you have nothing to do with the other. The one who believed did not do it to hurt his partner or to betray him. He did something for himself. To be able to live something in a short life.
The next day. Is this the end of the beginning?
The issue of infidelity seems inexhaustible. Infidelity is between us, it happens more often than we would like to admit, and it does not affect men more or less than women. When infidelity is revealed and if we take for granted that the believer does not want to divorce, then let him prepare for the consequences and be armed with patience and kindness. Infidelity destroys the trust on which the relationship is built.
It is important to apologize sincerely, to show remorse. To answer honestly any question asked, to give information and not to allow the imagination of his / her partner to fill the “gaps” in the information. Be ready to accept the icy behaviour that almost always follows and for a while not to push any situation. Allowing time and stability to create more appropriate conditions for redefining the relationship. It is necessary that the one who refused to give control again in the hands of the cheated partner to offer him a relative sense of security.
Often, this point is the most difficult, due to selfishness. But there is no easy way to go back and rebuild the relationship. What many people do and make a big mistake is to start accusing your cheating partner of being responsible for infidelity. In other words, to blame the one you decided to betray. It’s disastrous and you shouldn’t do it. If the relationship has meaning, good prehistory and love, infidelity should not separate the couple. It would make more sense to see with our partner or with the support of an expert what has happened in the relationship and decide to fix it. The relationship must continue to grow and we must make the necessary changes to become better.
Think about this: If you just break up and move on to the next relationship, who will ensure that you don’t have to deal with the same issue again? Another infidelity?